equilibrium

You have to learn how to strike a balance between being mature and retaining the innocence within you.
determination is stronger than what you imagine, but it all depends on how you control it and putting it to your advantage in life.
it's just a thin line between sulking and moving on
Sulking = bad , moving on = good

If you want your life to be happier think positively and it will be. But if you think your life is miserable, then it will surely be miserable.
younger kids are happy because they take things very simple, that's why they are happy. But if you see things being complicated then you will find a lot of problems hindering you.

it's really good to feel needed

but because of your expectations you have disappointments .
there are many stages in life. but this stage of my life. it's going to be studies, friends and family.
i will take this opportunity to piece myself back together.
i really do need to save some grace and dignity for myself. and self-pity isn't going to help in any way.
What's lost will never come back, we can only change to something new but not change back. 变成 but not 变回.

"天下無不散之筵席" (everything comes to an end)

It's my rights to laugh when i feel like and cry when have to. There's no need to hide, the more i restrict myself the more it bounce back to hit me.
But i can't mix this up, there are time when i should be happy but I'm not because i was affected by other reasons, but right now there's nothing more important than moving forward.
I have made many mistakes throughout the period after ending of my r/s which resulted the situation I'm in now, and she have every rights to break away from me. (needless to say)
I only have myself to blame for all and I'm not going to self-pity or ask for anyone to pity me, i have to stand up on my own feet and walk towards my happiness.
I still have a lovely family despite frequently getting pissed by my mom. haha !
and loving friends who stood by me, though only a few but all are truly what i call "friend"

I really thank her for giving me such an important lesson in life, and apologise for causing her all those unwanted moments. Our path might be different now but i guess we both just want the best out of our life.
I'm learning
it's not going to be easy. But at least i learn even if it's in a harder way.
Thanks Juliana, sorry to have caused you this much problems again.


thanks for reading haha ! it's quite a long post